Compiled by Ken Magee, M.D., with the generous help of many friends, Febuary 2007.

Feel free to print a copy of this page for your use. It is a work in progress and in order to improve and refine this approach, I would appreciate your feedback.  You can e-mail at KenKmagee@gmail.com

A Simple Story-telling Process Where People Are Guided by Questions and Given Time to Tell Their Memories and Insights in a Small Group Format.

Who we are and where we are going is in large part shaped by our history and the early experiences of our family. The purpose of this facilitated process is to provide a comfortable context for us to think about and explore our life stories from the wisdom of who we are now. In the process of sharing our stories we better understand each other and ourselves and are given a rare glimpse into the larger meaning and resulting wisdom of our lives as one story.

Gather in facilitated groups of 8 to 12 people, weekly for a total of 9 to 12 meetings, 1 to 1&1/2 hours each.

When:

Where:

Time:

" Adults of all ages

" Teens and/or young adults - best done separately from parents

" Church groups - both men and women together, or separately

" As part of a healing ministry

" As part of Leadership development

" By sharing themselves, people give a major gift to each other.

"I liked hearing other people's stories." "It helped me get to know them on a deeper level and better understand where they are coming from."

" It helps you realize the genuine worth of your life and other's lives.

"I learned how negatively I felt about parts of my history, and how that hasn't served me well."

" We learn from each other.

"It helps me understand myself and others." "The process helps me to understand that there are different ways of looking at life."

" It builds community.

"I thought it would be more facts than heart and emotion." " I saw people's deep desire to change." " I heard from their hearts the deeper meaning of life."

" I recognize we gain wisdom from the painful parts of life.

"I came in thinking that the process would be more about getting to know other people's stories. I learned a lot more about myself. It was a different experience than I thought." "I could see myself in other people's stories."

" It promotes better health.

"It gives people a place to talk. Many don't have such a place." " I will remember what has been said here." "My life has been meaningful when seen from the whole."

" It opens the door for each of us to personally record our own story,

(A superb gift for family and friends.)

"We grew as we listened to others stories." " It helped me to remember more about me."

*Life Story Questions are given out before the meetings begin. Sharing is done in monologue/not conversational form with the group listening. Each person is encouraged to share only what s/he feels comfortable sharing. Participants are taught to listen with an open heart. Each group is encouraged to define their own confidentiality agreements.

The following questions are guidelines to help you remember the stories of your early years. Please take care of yourself by holding healthy boundaries. Share only that which feels comfortable and feel free to omit what doesn't. Tell your stories from a first person "I" instead of a "they" or "them" point of view.

Many people find the inquiry starts a journey of self-discovery and curiosity that leads them to explore their history with family members and others who remember us 'when'. If some of your memories feel too painful or shameful to bring to the group, find a trusted other to have a healing conversation. The journey is richer when shared.

Please bring 2 or 3 pictures from your very early years to pass around for others to see. (What do you notice about yourself in those pictures?)

SESSION ONE: (Ages 0 to 6)

When and where were you born? Is there a "story" of your birth?

What was it like where you grew up? What was your house like?

What kind of toys, games or pets do you remember?

What were your chores?

How did your family celebrate holidays - Thanksgiving, Christmas, 4th of July?

What made you happiest? Saddest?

What were early realizations about spiritual things? How would you have described God back then?

SESSION TWO: Early Memories of Family (Ages 6 to 11)

Name one or two things you especially remember about your grandparents? Where did they live? What kind of work did they do?

Where and when did your parents meet? What type of work did they do?

Do you have brothers or sisters? Are you close to them in age? In location? Emotionally?

Do you remember the family car? What is the best gift you received as a child?

Are there any special customs or traditions that have been passed down through the generations?

Who gave you guidance about right and wrong in these years? How did they do it? What was the most important thing they taught you?

SESSION THREE: Grade School Years (Ages 6-11)

Where did you go to grade school? How did you get there? Was it different from schools now?

Did you have a special teacher? A special friend? What made them special?

What did you like most or least about grade school?

Favorite games? Pet? Food? Chore? Recreation?

What did you wonder about? Did this include thoughts about God?

What did you dream of doing/being when you "grew up?"

SESSION FOUR: Transition - Adolescence and Teen Years

Were these mostly happy or sad times for you? Why?

Describe your first girlfriend or boyfriend.

How did you cope with the new challenges?

Increased expectations in work, school, play?

Peer pressures?

Sexuality?

Distancing from parents?

How did God and spiritual issues affect your turbulent years? Or did they?

As you drew away from your parents, what especially helped you?

Did you hear God's voice?

SESSION FIVE: The Jump - Ages 18 to 25

What wakes you in the morning now? How was that back as a teenager?

What was your first full time job after high school?

What did your parents tell you during growing-up years that you still remember and value?

Was there a particular event or happening that set the trajectory of your life?

SESSION SIX: "Onward and Upward Ever, Forward and On and On..." Ages 25- ?

How have you liked being on your own with your parents no longer responsible for you?

Or

How was (is) it to release your own children to their own responsibility and consequences?

What is one of the happiest things you have encountered as an adult?

What is an especially difficult challenge you have faced? How has facing or avoiding that challenge changed you?

SESSION SEVEN: Looking in Both Directions. Past to Present.

What is your favorite hobby or recreation?

What achievements (inner or outer) make you feel the best?

If you could live your life over, would you do anything differently? What is the largest change you have made as an adult?

SESSION EIGHT: Wisdom!?!? Where you are now.

Are you time-rich or time-poor? Has that changed?

Describe how you now picture God.

A friend asks you to share with her/him the center of your wisdom. How would you answer?

SESSION NINE: Anticipating Adventure! Looking Ahead.

What is one of your major dreams for the future?

Where would you like your inner transformation to take you in the next year?

The Format

" Choose a time and place and commit to 9 to 12 weekly meetings.

" Aim for a group of 8 to 12 people ideally.

" Sessions need to be an hour or more long.

" Choose facilitators to help the group keep on track.

" Set up your meeting room so members are able to see and hear each other speak. (Preferably a circle)

The Process

" Pass out discussion questions ahead of time. (We purposely start with non-threatening questions so that people get to know and trust each other.)

" Remind all members that speaking time is limited because we want to

hear from everyone. Ask members to keep their responses to 2-3 sentences.

" We have found that asking participants to respond to questions in a sequential order (i.e., starting with the person on the left and going around the circle) rather than randomly answering feels safer for the group.

" Encourage each person to feel free to keep his/her own boundaries. Encourage people to pass on a question or stay silent if they wish.

" Have the group define the confidentiality standards they feel comfortable with and ask for agreement.

" Help the group get to know people's names. Ask that each person give his/her first name, e.g. "I'm Don." And then thank "Don" as he finishes.

The Skill:

Spend a little time at the beginning to refresh member's listening skills.

While Each Person Speaks

" Stay present - listen well.

" Remember it is not a discussion but a monologue.

" Don't try to fix it.

" Notice your internal judgment but don't be critical.

" Treat the person and space with heart-felt gentleness.

" Listen with their hearts and not just their heads.

Leading The Group

" Group leaders need to listen well and have empathy. Be part of the group.

" One who leads is helped by being a member of a prior "Sharing Life Stories" group.

" Acceptance-a neutral reaction helps participants go inward.

" Don't respond to what you don't like. Just sit with it a while.

" Don't try to manipulate anything but just let God do God's thing.

" Remember that God loves each one more than any parent can ever love, and

God is there and very active.

" Emphasize and re-emphasize confidentiality.

" It will be a profound process for some and additional listening may be needed outside the group.

" Feel free to alter questions and approach to fit a particular group.

Compiled by Ken Magee, M.D., with the generous help of many friends, Febuary 2007.

It is a work in progress and in order to improve and refine this approach, I would appreciate your feedback.  You can e-mail at KenKmagee@gmail.com